Bairns

Offt. Remind me the next time I sit down to watch something ‘educational’ on the television that soap operas are always better for the mind.

Last night I sat down to watch a Tonight special (not with Trevor McDonald, I may add, much to my disappointment) on how old is ‘too old’ to have kids.

Smug Wee Lee sat there, coffee and Curly Wurly in hand, thinking ‘ach well, I am yet a youngish wench, sure it’ll be fine’.  Paul sitting there – iPhone in hand – glancing up only when the references to the age of 35 cropped up.

Blasting out the Sex and the City theme tune, the presenter’s voice had a certain amount of sobering gravitas when he  introduced four ladies ‘of a certain age’. Each one had postponed having kids to follow their careers. Boo ladies, boo indeed.

Anyhoo, they were, like me, sure their wee eggies would suffice for child bearing and not have gone hard boiled.

Our survey said? NAW.

They ranged in age from 35 to 42 and their ‘diagnosis’ for being a fertile wench ranged from possibly to ‘errr naw’. Wee Lee pauses mid Curly Wurly – Paul’s iPhone is suspended in mid-air. Awkward jokes and laughter ensues with me affirming the fact that ‘I am sure our wee anes will make it’.

Just as the echo of ‘make it’ faded into the room, one lady popped on to the screen to say she had always been sure ‘everything would be ok’ and she would have kids. She put all doubts to the back of her mind.

I was becoming increasingly peed off, mainly because they were ‘career women’ and had chosen this. Until one lady came on and said she had just been waiting for the right man – as I had – before she started a family.

After all, ladies, you have to choose your stock wisely (Paul – that was a backhanded compliment, in case you missed it).

Reality check – Wee Lee’s butterfly mind hits hyperdrive. Cue a text from mother to say ‘get that switched over now’ and a motherly affirmation that, indeed, all will be well – just trust!

Ok my dear God above – it’s over to you. If the madness of the Green-Simpson human hybrids are to grace this earth then it’s your call…I promise not to go on an ITV special moaning about how unfair life is if you cut us some slack. PS, I love you…;-)

Peace xxxx

Phew

Well, talk about a baptism of fire for my new blog.

Found loads of old pieces I have written over the past year and, boy, have I had some eclectic thoughts rambling about up there!

Still, therapeutic to get it all down and not let it fester away in the cauldron of the mind, eh?

It’s lovely to be back in the world of the bloggers…here’s to tomorrow my friends!

Peace xxx

It’s ‘Plane’ Madness

If you are a pervert then your prayers have been answered….so I suggest you head down to the local Job Centre and sign up for security at your local airport. Yes, now they can take nude piccies of us as we trundle off on our hollybags with the new-fangled scanner being trialled at Manchester Airport.
Right…ok so the security guards will get a wee peep at your wee bits…but we can seek revenge in other ways.
My first port of call will be the tattooist, where I shall have ‘You’re All Going to Die’ forever imprinted on my butt. I would like to see them explain how they saw THAT one before I climb aboard the big bird to paradise.
Then it’s off to the local old folks home, where I shall take note of the outlets from which our esteemed wifeys buy their bloomers.
Yes, they have the technology, but when it comes to old women hiding their bits from the unwelcome advances of Jack Frost they have no chance of infiltrating for a good peek.
On a serious note…I can’t say I am that bothered about it but, at the same time, like everything else in this country that is in supposedly ‘safe hands’, you can’t help but wonder how long it’ll take for a grainy pic of your posterior…or worse…to appear on You Tube. Mind you there are already an inordinate amount of assholes on there anyway so the social shockwave may be minimal…;-) Watch this space….

Do You Believe in Sod?

Human nature. What’s that all about?
Every day I am amazed at what passes for ‘acceptable’ behaviour in daily life. People scrambling for the top, not caring who they step on and push under en route. Whatever happened to ‘don’t make enemies on the way up because they’ll SLAP you hard when you’re falling back down’?
I have come to the conclusion the worst kind of people are bullies. I am not just talking about the failed abortions with an IQ lower than Jordan’s pantyline who spread misery in the playground…they’re bad enough.
NO, I am talking about the type of people in the alleged adult world who seem to cross my path on a regular basis and make my life miserable. They feed off unhappiness. They make themselves feel/look/appear better by homing in on the mistakes of other people and exploiting them for their own gain. They thrive on bringing other souls down to their own level as that is the only way they can communicate – grunts, clicks and the odd injection of acerbic cynicism.
Why, I constantly ask myself, do I let myself be brought down by these human vacancies? Every time one of them crawls out and blocks my path I fall…my head goes down and I end up feeling as useless and worthwhile as Satan’s moral guidance counsellor.
Meanwhile, back at Bully Ranch, said moron is becoming more and more inflated with his or her own self-importance. I can only surmise that those ‘people’ are like human mosquitos – they feed off hurting and annoying other people every day, which surely is no way to live your life?
One consolation is I still feel things. Even though I feel weak and pathetic, I know I would never treat anyone else like that, and that has to make me a better person. Scant consolation, maybe, but I have to tell myself something otherwise I will go insane.
I am just thankful for my family and friends…those closest to me who, usually without even knowing it, keep me ticking over and away from the edge of complete madness. I am also thankful for the people who come into my life for whatever reason to help me learn whatever I need to learn.
Who knows, maybe even the omnipotent bullies have a lesson for me to learn. If that lesson is how to understand what it’s like to feel worthless, as intelligent as a lobotomised lab rat and undermined at every turn then I have to hand it to them, they’re masters of their ill-chosen craft.
Their turn will come…I HAVE to believe that. Their turn will come.

Volcanoes – Live Long and Prosper

Volcanoes…what’s their problem, eh?
Personally (Armageddon implications aside, of course) I don’t see what the problem is for all the moaning Minnies ‘stranded abroad’. Shut up and stop pretending it’s a hardship being stranded abroad in a lovely hotel you whining wallies. You’re getting another few days’ holiday – the rest of us can’t even ESCAPE this country and it’s pre-election propaganda, so count yourselves lucky.
I know the wee scientists and volcanologists will be beavering away in labs trying to come up with some explanation on the mechanics of the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull, or assess how long it will be spewing its ash onto us poor minions.
I, however, as those of you who know me know all too well, am never one for a ‘scientific reason’. Science, in my considered opinion, is mankind’s attempt at pretending it has a clue what’s going on here on Earth. Newsflash…..eh…naw.
Well, for me, you can stick such sanctimonious claptrap in your bunsen burners and fry it because your tests, conclusions and investigations mean sod all. Yes, it is out of our hands and all in the hands of the great Lord above and make no mistake. It’s textbook Old Testament stuff….floods, fires, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes…or by any other name ‘signs’. It’s God reclaiming some ground and putting our collective metaphorical gasses at a peep…we are NOT in charge. We never have been.
It just appears most of us have lost the knack of reading those signs and go on our merry way, moaning about cancelled flights and how to get the insurance company to pay out for our taxi fares from wherever. Ask any insurance company and all you’ll get is…’sorry, Act of God, so go and whistle for your money’.
And a big huge massive Amen to that. PS – when the fourth horseman appears, I am ‘out to lunch’

The Wee Things

The other day I was reminded of a magic moment in my life, shared by my mum, that still makes me smile.
We were walking my two pooches in the local park when we spotted a baby rabbit and a young crow facing one another up. The crow would chase the rabbit, which would run away and then kick out its back legs at the crow. This went on for about 15 minutes…but they were still there playing away when we left the park.
This was a perfect illustration of new souls finding their way – sussing one another out and discovering their respective roles in life. How long, though, before one loses the struggle for life at the hands of the other? The picture soon turns sour when barriers are erected….I’m a crow, you’re a rabbit….we hate one another, let’s fight. What stuck in my head was the fact they both knew that they should be fighting but they didn’t know why…sound familiar?

Human beings keep up the charade of being the most evolved sensient beings on this planet, yet not a day goes by where hundreds lose their right to life because another deems it necessary for ‘progression’. Progression of what? Who wins in the fight that will, ultimately, never end?
We’re not here to fight we’re here to learn and evolve….sadly many only realise that when it’s too late to do anything about it. Folk are so involved in their own wee worlds that to even think outside the box is beyond them, which is very sad. Frameworks are not ours to create….boundaries are not ours to carve and man-made rules mean nothing.
You only have to look at that heartbreaking footage from Auschwitz/Treblinka/ 9-11/7-7/Waco – to name but a few – to see how wrong things go when mankind takes the reins. So let go of the reins…stop trying to steer your life because the wheels on your own personal soul trolley do not necessarily have to go the way you want them to.

And when you let go….you will smile x

Dark Soul

In darkness your soul descends
Winding down the path of no return
With every word you utter
You take a soul into the depths
with you.
They suffocate in your bosom of insincerity
Freeze in the cold chill of your heart
Torn are the conscious minds of the innocent.
Your venom knows no bounds
Yet you know not how its poison invades
You are but a vacancy, a hollow fibre
Floating in the abyss of indifference.
Be silent, be still, for you offend and wound
Only pure hearts can suffer…
so unburdened you remain.

LCS…..June 28th 2010